Cuter than a raccoon carrying a cat

This is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

Merry Christmas!

Emails to you

Friday. Hello, my Grade Nines. I have just done a big bulk email, contacting all of your parents, asking them to remind you about the assignment. Don’t forget it’d due on December 30!

I hope you’re enjoying the time off. I am!

Ms. Watson

Still here!

Wednesday. Hello. Bet you thought I’d forgotten all about you, didn’t you? Almost. But I keep getting emails so I can’t. Also, the marking still seems to be taking up a big part of my computer room. I’ve tried decorating around it but the Christmas lights just seem to illuminate the fact that I have work waiting for me.

If you are reading this and you’re about to email me your Midsummer Night’s Dream assignment, that’s a good idea. I have received one so far. Ms. Brittany T gets first place for being first. No prize. Just public recognition in a blog no one in their right mind is reading. That doesn’t say much for the person writing it, does it? Well, goodbye. I am going to go visit people now. I’ll turn the festive lights off the marking before I go.

My dog ate …

Friday. So here are the Top Ten Excuses for not handing in the assignment. You decide which ones I made up and which ones are true.

1. I didn’t know there was an assignment.

2. I forgot about it.

3. The Library was closed.

4. I didn’t have a book.

5. I kept wondering where Miss Strangeworth was and got confused.

6. My dad had a baby and we’re flying to New York to be on Good Morning, America. No time.

7. You didn’t tell us we had an assignment.

8. My computer/printer doesn’t work.

9. I’m a guy. You telling me what to do just sort of went against the Elizabethan World View. You know? I didn’t want our chimney to get knocked over.

10. If I don’t show up at school today, you won’t notice and you’ll give me extra time.

Well? Did you guess? Only three were false.

I have to say, the assignments I did receive looked very good. Most people handed in their work. If you didn’t … well, you’re probably not reading this anyway.

My favourite line of the day came from a student: “If you’re not going to do the assignment, the least you could do was work on your excuse.”

Subliminal Message

 

One … more … day …

Thursday. I write this before leaving for school. Here are some little grammar reminders for you. You can keep them in mind as you finish all of the assignments you are going to give me tomorrow. Remember, you MUST give me your assignment tomorrow. (Only exception: The Grade Nines who are doing the MSND assignment on their blog.) Don’t get sidetracked by the Assembly and the whooping and hollering in the halls. Just walk right down to Room 154 and give me your work. I will be waiting like Santa’s cheerful little Marking Elf. You must hand your work in. I will not purchase the excuse that you forgot. I am not buying. Please do not try to sell me that particular item.

That said, today you have one last opportunity to work in class. I will wander around helping everyone. Make good use of your time!

Romeo’s Very Good Very Bad Day

Wednesday. Watching Baz Luhrmann’s R&J as I post and I’m really picking up on the weather in this movie. Luhrmann must have done his research. All of the storms and rain is the Elizabethan World  View. For you movie buffs, there’s movie called American Beauty that uses rain as a symbol in much the same way; it also has the saturated colour of R&J.

Work. Work. Work.

Tuesday. That message was for you, my 9’s, 10’s, and 11’s. You do your work now and then while you’re out snowboarding later on, I’ll be the one working. It’s completely balanced.

Today the 11’s worked on the Macbeth project: Due Friday.

Today the 9’s created blogs in the Library and worked on their MSND project: Due Friday. (Exception: Assignments done on blogs. They’re due December 30.)

And today I didn’t see the 10’s at all, but your assignment is … Due Friday. I am a consistent assigner, no?

Only three more sleeps ’til Christmas vacation. Keep going. We’re almost there.

R&J with Sound Effects

Monday. Finished the play and began watching the movie today. As I type, Tybalt is kissinghis gun and he’s setting fire to the gas station.  I think we can definitely say Baz Luhrmann gets your attention from the very first scene.

Later in the day: What does this hedgehog have to do with Romeo and Juliet? Absolutely nothing. I just ran across the picture and thought it was amazing. Imagine being your own sleeping bag. Did you know there are no hedgehogs in North America or in Australia? This little guy must have been photographed in England. Here’s something else: the word “hedgehog” was invented in 1450 … and not by Shakespeare. If you’re wondering what they called them before they called them hedgehogs, the answer is furze-pig. And if you’re wondering why I’m talking about hedgehogs, it’s because I’m Romeo and Juliet-ed out. Even I’m sick of talking about Fate and fighting families. Time to talk about cute little prickly animals.

Here’s some more hedgehog trivia:

* In 2006, McDonald’s changed the design of their McFlurry containers to be more hedgehog-friendly. Hedgehogs were getting their heads stuck in the container as they tried to lick the remaining food from inside the cup. Then, being unable to get out, they would starve to death.

* Ancient Egyptians ate hedgehogs. Modern Gypsies eat them now.

* In the 1980’s in England, there was a hedgehog potato chip; it didn’t actually taste like hedgehogs, it was just named after them.

* When the hedgehog population in the Hebrides in Scotland got too large, people tried culling them. (That would be killing them.) The world found out and there was a big uproar. The people of the Hebrides stopped.

If I had two hedgehogs, guess what I’d call them. That’s right. Gladys and Ernie.

Invented by the Bard

These words were all invented by Shakespeare: academe, accused, addiction, advertising, amazement, arouse, assassination, backing, bandit, bedroom, beached, besmirch, birthplace, blanket, bloodstained, barefaced, blushing, bet, bump, buzzer, caked, cater, champion, circumstantial, cold-blooded, compromise, courtship, countless, critic, dauntless, dawn, deafening, discontent, dishearten, drugged, dwindle, epileptic, equivocal, elbow, excitement, exposure, eyeball, fashionable, fixture, flawed, frugal, generous, gloomy, gossip, green-eyed, gust, hint, hobnob, hurried, impede, impartial, invulnerable, jaded, label, lackluster, laughable, lonely, lower, luggage, lustrous, madcap, majestic, marketable,  mimic, monumental, moonbeam, mountaineer, negotiate, noiseless, obscene, obsequiously, ode, outbreak, pandeers, pedant, premeditated, puking, radiance, rant, remorseless, savagery, scuffle, secure, skim milk, submerge, summit, swagger, torture, tranquil, undress, unreal, varied, vaulting, worthless, zany, gnarled, groved.

11’s: Those Bloody Macbeths / 9’s: Blogs in the Library

Friday. Macbeth. So if you missed today, you missed the first time I’ve ever seen a projector used for anything other than a power point presentation. I like this use much better. Mr. L kindly lent us his excellent video and, equally kindly, set it up on the projector. This was the 2008 Folger Theatre production that played in Washington, DC. As someone who’s seen multiple Macbeths over the years, I think this was the best yet. It was odd watching a play, and not a movie of a play, but it was just good, period. I still think Mrs. Macbeth looked like she’d more likely be shopping in an outlet mall, but the fellow they chose for Macbeth was exquisite in his portrayal of the doomed anti-hero.

I’m really glad you got to see the whole play at once because then you really see the downfall of Macbeth. What I particularly loved about the Macbeth actor was how he was able to show Macbeth’s ordinariness at the beginning. This was just a man who was a soldier under the command of a greater soldier and then under the headship of the King. There’s a whole hierarchy and you see it at the beginning. (The ubiquitous Elizabethan World View that he steps out of.)

Then you see his face change. Remember the grimaces when Lady Macb was nagging? He kept turning away and not looking at her. But she won. Then there was the seduction of the witches. In our time, we use the word seduction in only one way, but there’s more than one usage. Look up the word. It means to lead astray from duty, rectitude; to corrupt. Macbeth is slowly pulled away from himself, his better self. That is what seduction means. Those witches seduce him from his better self.

Anyway, there were some blockbuster scenes in that production. To me, the most powerful were these: Macduff learning about the death of his children and wife; Lady Macb’s handwashing scene; Lady Macduff’s scene with her son; Lady Macb acknowledging her guilt as the symbolic blood is poured on her from above; creepy Witches putting objects in the caldron, and the Porter scene. (Let this be a reminder to you. Don’t sit in the front row.)

So, I hope you’ll be working on the Big Assignment this weekend. It’s due FRIDAY, no exceptions! And for those of you reading this on this grey soggy Saturday: Hello. I know who you are, and for some of you, I hope you have a good time in sunny Hawaii!!

Midsummer Night’s Dream. Well. We were scheduled to see the very end of the MSND movie — not as exciting: small TV screen — but unfortunately, the giant basketball game was also scheduled … and a number of students unscheduled themselves without permission. To those who disappeared: Hello.

To those who didn’t: Guess who’s already done the groundwork for Tuesday? Ha. You!!! We will watch the final video marriage of everyone in MSND on Thursday. It won’t take long. A few I do’s in Elizabethan English and they’ll all be off to the party.

I hope you’re working on your Big Assignment this weekend. It’s not hard. It’s just time consuming. If you do decided to do it in website format, don’t let it eat into your Christmas. Do it this weekend and this week and be free!

R&J: Sad. Sad. Sad.

Thursday. Sad. Sad. Sad. This was today in the dwindling lives of R&J. Juliet has taken the potion that will make her look dead for 42 hours. All of the people in her immediate world act in very predictable ways, with the exception of Paris — who really hasn’t even made it into her world, just into her parents’ world. The nurse howls and asks for aqua vitae ( a drink). Her mother is upset, conveniently forgetting just how close she wasn’t to her daughter. And her father calls her the fairest flower that ever lived — after he squashed that fair flower solidly under his foot the day before. Then he complains about setting up a wedding for that giant company of six guests and being unable to have a feast. No matter, he says, we’ll use the catered food for the wake. No wonder Juliet was set on running off with Romeo the day after they met. (Okay, a day is extreme. But this is a tragedy and a play, so things happen fast in Shakespeare’s world.)

The surprising element in this little family tableaux is the fellow who is as yet pre-family: Paris. So far he’s just been perfect and unwanted. Now we see he actually was perfect. There’s yet another tragedy. The tragedy of not keeping your options open when you’re 13 and your dad might have inadvertently found the right guy for you. Your dad, Fate, … ?

Paris is genuinely distraught. He didn’t get to woo Juliet. He only got to be engaged to her. But he loved her.

As all this is happening, we find out the letter didn’t get delivered to Romeo and he has no idea of Plan B. Technically, this shouldn’t matter. Friar Laurence has Plan C in mind: Go to the tomb, be there when Juliet wakes up, hide her in his cell, and then, under cover of darkness, deliver her to Romeo in Mantua. However, you’ve read enough of this play to know what’s planned won’t happen and what’s unplanned will. Fate is omipotent and Fate is mean. Instead of remaining mercifully ignorant, Romeo is learns that Juliet is dead. His dutiful servant Balthasar races to Mantua to tell him. Romeo then instantly plots his own death and tells Balthasar to run off and get him a horse, a pen, and some paper. While he’s gone, Romeo goes to a poverty stricken apothecary who will obviously do anything for money (in that he can barely stand, he’s so hungry!) and buys a poison that will kill him instantly.

Instantly is the key word in all of this. Romeo’s fatal flaw has always been his impetuousness and now, it will, indeed, prove fatal. Off he races to Verona … where he meets Paris at Juliet’s tomb. In exactly the same stupid way he killed Tybalt, Romeo kills Paris. What is with this kid?, we think. He gives the identical speech he gave Tybalt! I love you more than I love myself. I think very highly of you. I really don’t want to do this. But if you insist. There. I’ve killed you.

Then he goes into the tomb, sees Juliet, gives a lovely, loving speech, and drinks the potion. Instantly, he is dead. And then …….. Juliet wakes up. To see the face of Friar Laurence!

He has come down the stairs, has clearly noticed both Paris and Romeo are dead, and has seconds to spare before Juliet wakes up. Whether he’s suffering from Panicky Friar Syndrome or some other mental aberration, he does the stupidest thing in the play! He leaves. The man who is the only grownup in the whole play with any measure of reliability or maturity hears a noise, panics, begs Juliet to run away, and when she doesn’t, just leaves her there by herself. Romeo dead at her side, Paris dead on the floor, guards coming down the steps, and 13 year old Juliet is supposed to come up with a plan. Well, she does.

This is the saddest moment in the whole play and when you see the movie, some of you will cry. I’m predicting. I’ve seen this movie year after year and year after year, this scene always makes me cry. Here is poor little Juliet in a tomb with all of her dead ancestors’ bones, all alone, probably freezing, and the one person she could rely on is suddenly there and then, just as suddenly gone! She’s barely awake, probably still partially drugged, and she turns her head. Romeo. And Romeo is dead.

Can you just imagine it? Poor little hopeful, innocent, positive-thinking Juliet. All hope is gone. She looks at Romeo, sees the vial that contained the poison and instantly, figures out what has happened. Finding the vial empty, she kisses Romeo, trying to get a drop from his lips. Nothing. She sees his dagger, removes it from its sheath … and stabs herself.

That, my children, is where we left off. Still more sorrowful things await. Monday we finish the play and Monday we start the movie. Do work on the Big Assignment over the weekend. Give yourself the gift of NO STRESS on Thursday night. You cannot do this assignment in a night.

Twilight Guy Talks

A Message from Robert Pattison:

“If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.”

I’m your English teacher and I endorse this message.

9’s: Kevin Kline saves a movie

Wednesday. Isn’t life fine? You watched the movie. I watched you watching the movie. I still really like Kevin “Bottom” Kline, how about you?

IMPORTANT: Next Tuesday, December 13, we will be in the Library. You have the Midsummer Night’s Dream assignment and you have a choice. If you want to do the assignment on a blog or website, you may complete it by December 30 and I will mark your assignment as a blog. Make sure you give me your blog address or email it to me. If I don’t know where to find it, I can’t mark it!

If you want to do your assignment on paper, you may give it to me by December 16, as already discussed.

Next Tuesday, I will be showing you how to do a wordpress blog — the same kind as this one. As the year progresses, you may do other assignments on your blog/website. If you don’t like wordpress, there are lots of other free sites that offer an easy template.

Thus Endeth the Macbeth Dynasty

Wednesday. If you look up “The Plays of Shakespeare,” you’ll find they are categorized into Tragedies, Histories, and Comedies. Macbeth is definitely in the Tragedy category. Think back to the beginning: He was a hero, a valiant soldier who saved Duncan’s life, and was due to be honoured for it. Sure, he had a nagging wife, but he could have handled that. A few “no’s” — over an extended period of time — would have sufficed and he could have had a long and happy life in what looks like the biggest castle in all of Scotland. (I know. I’m mixing history and literature. Shakespeare had the same problem.)

So what does Macbeth do? In 21st Century terms, he doesn’t trust his inner voice, but listens instead, to the voices of his wife, the Witches, and the Apparitions. We think, ‘You silly non self-actualized man.’ But Elizabethans would have a much stronger judgment. Macbeth has rejected the whole Elizabethan World View and isn’t simply foolish. He is doomed. He gives his soul to the Darkness and is consumed by the Darkness. This is the overarching tragedy of Macbeth: A man who could have been good has been deceived and destroyed by Evil.

There’s nothing quite as bad as suddenly realizing you have been fooled and are on completely the wrong path. In Act 5, Macbeth starts getting the picture when servant after servant comes in to give him a series of very bad messages. My guess is being Macbeth’s servant is losing all the glitz it once had. He didn’t originate the idea of killing the messenger but he certainly wants to perfect it.

In the midst of this, just when we’re thinking, “Where did Lady Macbeth go?’ Macbeth asks the same thing. He summons the doctor, only to be told that Lady Macbeth is has a mind diseased and there’s nothing he can do to help her. She must help herself. That’s not likely to happen and Macbeth has bigger things to deal with. Back to winning the siege of Cawdor Castle he goes. Mrs. Macbeth’s problems are put on the back burner. He never sees her again and neither do we.

As Act 5 progresses, Macbeth slowly comes to the realization that he has been duped. The prophecies don’t seem to be protecting him and in fact, things are getting worse. News has come that Duncan’s son Malcolm has brought an army from England, headed by Old Siward and even Macbeth’s own soldiers are turning tail and joining the Siward/Malcolm coalition. But what about the instigator of all this ambition? What has happened to Lady Macbeth? This, to me, is where we SEE the tragedy of Macbeth. While Macbeth has been planning a defense he knows will fail, his wife has been planning a suicide she knows will succeed. The news is delivered by yet another beleaguered servant and Macbeth faces his ruin alone. His speech, beautiful as it is, is almost nihilistic. In modern translation: “Lady Macbeth has died before her time and life has no meaning, anyway. Life is a foolish play upon a stage. We get a few seconds of time, play our parts, and go into nothingness.” Clearly, he’s been mentored by Witches and Apparitions, for his thoughts are dark, dark, dark.

As Macbeth’s fortunes are falling ever downward, yet another poor servant comes in with bad news: A solid row of trees is stealthily walking toward Dunsinane. Dunsinane is the seat of Macbeth’s castle and  no, these are not walking trees, it is a horizontal row of soldiers carrying branches to hide themselves. This is bad news for Macbeth and bad news for the servant who gives him the news. Macbeth gives him the option: “If you’re lying to me, I’ll kill you. And if you’re telling me the truth, I’ll kill myself.”

But Macbeth is nothing if not hysterical and inconsistent. ‘I am like a bear tied to a stake,’ he thinks. … ‘I cannot get away. I’m trapped!’ … “I’ll kill myself!” … “No, I won’t. Everyone has left me, but I’ll fight on — all by myself!”  Even with reality staring him straight in the face, he still clings to the prophecies of the Apparitions. ‘The trees of Birnam Wood may be walking but all men are born of women,’ he thinks. “I still lead a charmed life,” he declares. “I have one prophecy left!”

Or so he thinks. Enter Macduff to declare he was born by Caesarian. Of course, in our world, we think Macduff was “born of a woman” because he came out of a woman, but not in Shakespeare’s world. There, “born of a woman” means “born in the usual time-honoured way.”

Macbeth has just enough time to think, “I’ve been tricked by the Witches — and by the Apparitions!” before he will never think again. Macduff takes his revenge. Macbeth has killed his wife and children and Macbeth must die. Macbeth is beheaded and the short nasty Macbeth dynasty comes to an abrupt conclusion.

What can we say about this strange and sudden ending? To us, it seems like Macbeth’s “Out, out brief candle!” soliloquoy  is the only way of explaining all the chaos. Things happen and who can tell why? But that is a 21st Century mind, not an Elizabethan one. To an Elizabethan, Shakespeare would have provided the absolutely perfect ending. The Monarchy of Scotland is re-established with the rightful heir on the throne and those who would disturb or destroy the Elizabethan World View have been punished. What we see as needless suffering and bloodshed, they would see as necessary for re-establishing that all important Elizabethan World View.

But what about the Witches and the Apparitions? As 21st Century readers, we want them to be punished, too. They get away with murder and nothing happens to them.

Ah, but that’s just it. They’re always there. Evil doesn’t go away. It just awaits another opportunity. That is the Elizabethan World View.

Foreshadowing

Foolish Macbeth

Monday. It was quite a day for dialogue in the crumbling world of Scotland. Our day started with the meaningless and cruel death of MacDuff’s sweet son and angry wife, as well as his other un-numbered children and servants. Why kill them? No reason. Macbeth is just a bad man on a killing spree. He is destroying the country for absolutely no reason except naked ambition. Well, there is a bit of a reason. We don’t want those little MacDuff children to become kings, now do we?

Meanwhile, in England MacDuff and Malcolm are having a rather strange conversation, each vying with the other to declare who is the more sick. I don’t mean illness sick, either. Malcolm tells MacDuff what a bad man he is and MacDuff tells Malcolm what a bad man he is. It is a very strange and confusing scene until we realize how very smart a fellow Malcolm is. He has been testing MacDuff to determine if he can be trusted. You can’t blame him and you have to commend him. All they hear from Scotland is that everything is going downhill at one very rapid rate.

Enter one very non-commital messenger with a message he does not want to give. Yes, things are still despicable and getting more so in Scotland, Yes, Macbeth is still on the throne. And yes, people are being killed on a regular basis. “How are my children and my wife?” asks MacDuff. That’s the question the messenger has been dreading. “Dead,” he replies. “All dead.” In a scene amazing for its sensitivity and modernity — What soldier focusses on his feelings? — MacDuff declares they have been killed because he abandoned them. They have been killed for his sins.

While Malcolm and the others try to convince him to use his grief to inspire him to revenge, MacDuff demands a period of time to allow the reality to sink in. He wants to feel his feelings. This is an amazing scene — one that shows the timeless genius of Shakespeare. Can you think of a time when this wouldn’t move a reader?

Back goes the conversation to Macbeth and getting rid of Macbeth. Scotland is in tatters and things can only get worse. In a burst of Elizabethan analogy, Macduff declares Macbeth not to be just a bad man but a man much like Lucifer, the angel who fell from grace and became Satan.

What makes this scene so interesting is the multiple views we have of what is simultaneously happening. While MacDuff and Malcolm are determining how to get rid of Macbeth, Macbeth is amassing his troops by Birnham Wood, near Dunsinane Hill. Later the same day, a doctor is called to observe Lady Macbeth who is sleep walking, declaring her part in Duncan’s death, and attempting over and over to wash the blood from her hands. Could things be more dramatic? Yes. Next class they can be and will be.

Shall I, once and for all, define the word “foreshadowing?” I shall.

Movie time!

Monday. We did it! No, you did it. You are the first of all my classes to finish Shakespeare. Today, we finished MSND and started watching the movie. I don’t know about you, but I think Bottom steals the show. Kevin Kline is just really good: hammy but not too hammy. And that little wordless scene with his indifferent wife told us everything, didn’t it. Here’s a new word for you: “pathos.” Bottom needs attention for a reason.

It’s too bad we couldn’t watch the movie first so you had a clue what’s happening in that play … but who would want to read it after watching the movie? Sadly, the answer is “No one.” Me, neither.

 

Oh, you know my stupid teacher jokes? One of the reviews of MSND declares “Kevin Kline’s Bottom is Tops!” I’m not alone.

Casting Call MSND

Saturday. English 9’s: Wow. You people had some really inspired choices. Some of my favourites: Rose from Two and a Half Men as Helena. How perfect! And Kelly Ripa as a little fairy — with her little flying friend, Sarah Palin. I have to agree with you, too: Jim Carrey is a perfect Puck. Who else? He’s puckish! And Jim Parsons from the Big Bang Theory as Bottom is another perfect pick.

Here are the rest of your winners for MSND Recast.

Puck: (Overwhelmingly) Jim Carrey

Oberon: The Rock

Titania: Anne Hathaway

Lysander: Zac Efron

Demetrius: Channing Tatum

Hermia: Mila Kunis

Helena: Rose from Two and a Half Men/Tina Fey

Egeus: Liam Neeson/Colin Firth

Peter Quince: Steve Carrell

Francis Flute: Adam Sandler

Robin Starveling: Mr. Bean

Tom Snout: Willem Dafoe

Philostrate: Morgan Freeman

Peaseblossom: Sarah Palin

Cobweb: Ryan Seacrest

 

Moth: Kelly Ripa

Mustardseed: Michael Cera

Bottom: Jim Parsons